Caution: The following cookery contains a whole can of chipotles in adobo sauce… and a lot of dithering foppery. (I used a slightly less formal tone in this one… just trying it out. It sort of reads like a recipe/narrative. If anyone wants just the recipe, I’ll be more than happy to do an abridged non-narrative version for you. Just send me a message and let me know).
Whenever someone comes to my shanty to visit, my immediate conundrum is what to feed them with. Melissa (a high school/undergraduate college friend of mine) is my most frequent inmate, and since she and I have relatively similar tastes in food, I usually just throw something that will feed us for an epically long time together, usually supplemented with veggies and Mount Pleasant’s finest fare that under $10 can buy. This generally involves stewing a chicken and making some kind of epic soup, but this time, we decided to go way south of the border.
One of our favorite haunts in our hometown (though not frequented) was the semi-Mexican chain Chipotle. As my current locale is not fortunate enough to have one, we have discussed trying to duplicate their Burrito Bowl idea. At long last, we did get around to it, and we’re both pretty sure we just beat the tar out of Chipotle.
This recipe is a two-part process that involves stewing and shredding a chicken and then adding a bunch of epic happy magical stuff to the pan. I’m going to start with the stewing of the chicken, since I know some people may be unfamiliar with the process.
- 1 pack chicken parts
- 6 cups water
- 2 celery stalks
- 2 carrots (or a handful of baby ones)
- ½ Vidalia onion
- 5 bay leaves
- 2 teaspoon black pepper
- 1-2 teaspoons salt
Stew the above ingredients for four hours in a covered pan. Salivate and sweet in the process because it is SO DAMN HOT AND HUMID outside, but at least it smells really good in here. Realize that this was a bad idea. Have second thoughts. Press onward because the shit is already cooking. Power read to distract yourself, or die of a heatstroke on the bed upstairs.
Remove chicken and let cool BEFORE GOING TO THE USED BOOKSTORE. If you forget, burn the shit out of your hands later. Set stock (the byproduct of the above ingredients; I got about a quart) aside, skimming as it cools.
Skin and debone the chicken. Be thorough. Very thorough.
Shred chicken with two forks. Find multiple missed bones and bone fragments. Swear. Transfer chicken to pan, removing extra fat and gristle during one last scour. Return chicken to bowl (at this point, you’re probably saying, “YOU ASSHOLE. WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THAT?” More surface area = more discovery of missed bones = less you/your guests unpleasantly finding them with your/their teeth).
Congratulations. You just stewed a chicken, and hells, yeah! You have extra stock for something else tasty! I’m sure that will be good in any number of delectable things… couscous, curry sauce… the sky’s the limit, really. It’s chicken stock. Use your imagination.
Okay, moving on to the actual recipe:
- ½ Vidalia onion, diced
- 2 heaping tablespoons minced garlic
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- Shredded chicken from above
- 1 cup of stock, also from above
- 1 cup salsa
- 1 can chipotles in adobo sauce
- 3-4 tablespoons chili powder
- 3-4 tablespoons cumin
- 2 teaspoons black pepper
- Juice of ½ a lime
- 3 tbsp fresh cilantro
Forget the limes during your produce bonanza. Remember them before leaving the produce section. Get stuck behind the dumb-ass broad who practically bought a lime grove. Seriously, who frelling needs to pick 20 limes individually when there are nice little 2-pound bags right next door for cheaper?! Realize you are left with the scraps. Grab one. Watch as Hobnoxie McLimer comes back for a 2-lb bag. Realize that society is overbrimming with stupidity.
Cook onions and garlic in oil until translucent. While those are cooking, realize your chipotles in adobo are chock full of hot in the form of over 9,000 seeds. Seed them to the best of your ability, knowing that it is impossible to remove every single hot pocket but trying anyway because of your damn perfectionism. Add stock and spices to the pan and mix.
Add chicken, salsa, and full can of chipotles (trust me; the chicken flavor mellows them out quite a bit). Mix well. Heave a sigh of relief because the stuff does not incinerate your tonsils. Before serving, add lime juice and cilantro. Serve in a way that suits your fancy. My sous chef and I made rice bowls with pico de gallo, green onions, a bit of cheese, and lime-cilantro brown rice.
If you prefer it more spicy, then leaving the chipotle seeds in will help. It would also be plausible to add some cayenne pepper.